<Mike Lee>Who owns a pair of Crocs?
*student waves a Croc in the air*
<Mike Lee>You! YOU FAIL!

<Tom ter Elst> Define "addition", which I denote by two orthogonal bars, by . . . .

<Mark Andrews> Your test script is available from Student Services and your test mark is now on Cecil. Owing to a minor tear in the space-time continuum the total for the test is 101, rather than 100.

<Student> I've just done something dodgy.
<Jairo Gutierrez> Where is the dodginess?

*students phone rings in lecture*
<Lecturer> Is that your mum?
*everyone laughs*
<Lecturer> Tell her I'm busy.

A girl in a dress walks into the lecture. Everyone looks at her.

<girl in a dress> I think I'm in the wrong class-
<John Hamer> -Definitely wrong class.

<Andrew Luxton-Reilly>The new World of Warcraft expansion is coming out in the middle of next week, so make sure you allocate enough time to do the assignment.

<Ewan Tempero> Should we cancel tomorrow's tutorial, or talk about the assignment?
<Student> Cancel the assignment.
<Ewan Tempero> Someone would object. I'm fairly sure of this.

<Brian Carpenter> You're computer scientists, you know all about trees

It's like choosing girlfriends - you always choose the best one

<Luke Gumbly> Let see if protel decides to open...
<Student A> Is that file named Snoopy?
<Luke Gumbly> Yeah, that snoopy
<Student B> Is that what people name porn now a days?
<Luke Gumbly> Porn? There is no porn on my computer!
*few mintues later*
<Luke Gumbly> Now, after porn... I mean protel has been loaded...

<Mike Forster> I've just got the results of the course evaluations back.
<Mike Forster> This has got to be my favourite student feedback of all time.
<Mike Forster> The first line says "More spoon-feeding please"
<Mike Forster> The second line starts "I went to Grammar ..."

<Robert Sheehan>So for example we're all sitting in the bus. I'm older than you so when I need a resource you have, I kill you and throw you out of the bus.

<Stevan Berber> Guys, did you understand the email I sent you about the test?
<Student> Was it in English?

<Robert Sheehan> I like Wikipedia, it came from nerds....You know...people like you

<David White>Author-book-book-book-book-book, Author-book-book-book-book-book, I sound like a chook.

<Mark Andrews> You know, I got an anoymous e-mail yesterday, and I told my postgrads about it, they found it quite funny. Now, the e-mail said "Do you know why everyone laughs at you when you have your back turned to write something on the board? Its becuase your ass shakes and jiggles."

<Class bursts into laughter>